I have never watched Game of Thrones and I never will. Here’s why

I don’t speak Game of Thrones; I haven’t since 2011 when every TV addict you know said ‘Winter is Coming’ in the middle of 45 degree summer and expected to be applauded for it. Yes, you were the first to understand that this was TV history-cum-mass hysteria in the making; now go switch the damn AC on.

For me, Bran is something you eat and king’s hand is, well, the hand of a king. I don’t understand the point of calling some characters White Walkers when practically everyone in the show is white and that Iron Throne sure seems uncomfortable to sit on. My half-baked jokes at what has become the TV spectacle of our century always gets pitying glances but things heat up when winter is practically knocking at the door.

Map locating the major cities and ruling families in the Game of Thrones series. - AFP / AFP ( AFP )

As a new season of Game of Thrones rolls in, the ever kindly Twitter demands to know if I have been living under a stone; the well-meaning colleagues and friends prescribe a binge watch and the water cooler talk – in worlds both online and offline – passes me by. There are entire breed of listicles for people just like me – ‘Stop making excuses – why you should watch of Game of Thrones now’, they sermonise, damning me as a pop culture heathen. Then there are the helpful YouTube videos, that want to set me right in under 10 minutes – ‘Watch Game of Thrones recap of seven seasons in seven minutes’. Sixty odd hours in seven minutes, yes bring that on.

And that, puts my back up. ‘I am enjoying living under the stone, it is cool here,’ I tell the condescending Twitter. I swipe left on Facebook and YouTube and tell my colleagues to read a book, as long as it is not a George RR Martin tome. I didn’t start as a Game of Thrones naysayer. The plan was to binge watch it someday. Only, it never excited me enough. I didn’t see the point of building up characters only to kill them with clockwork precision week after week, season after season.

Chart showing how major characters died in the Game of Thrones series, season 1 to 7. ( AFP )

What really put me off was the gratuitous sexual violence. The more I heard of rapes of series’ female characters, the less I wanted to watch it. For those who say the series’ is trying to stay true to the time it is set in, a quick reality check – it is a fantasy.

Also read: Game of Thrones is ending, but let’s not give it more credit than it deserves

Of course, there is much more to the show, it is a global phenomenon after all but this just about did it for me. Now, with Game of Thrones in its final season and over 60 solid hours of TV gone by, it seems this is one must-see that has passed me by. But hey, I am not complaining. When most of India would be getting up to watch Game of Thrones season 8’s first episode at an ungodly hour on a Monday, I will enjoy a lie-in. And what will I be watching if not the omnipresent Game Of Thrones? Didn’t you hear, we are in the middle of the Golden Age of TV?